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 Need help from the dads out there

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MartinH

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Age : 47
Location : The South
Registration date : 2011-01-04

PostSubject: Need help from the dads out there   Wed Feb 02, 2011 9:26 am

So here is my dilemma. I have an almost 10 month old little boy. He's the sweetest little thing in the world to me, and my wife and I can't imagine life without him. But his sleeping habits are horrible. My wife and I are short with each other all the time, because of severe lack of sleep.

The doctor told us that we need to get him sleeping in his own bed, and this has been the worst experience with him to date. He screams for hours upon hours on end. We've been putting him in his own bed the last week and a half, and it's been torture for all of us. He screams the minute he even sees the bed and has a panicked look on his face that just breaks my heart. To hear him scream is just heart wrenching and I feel like the worst dad in the world.

Every morning I have to put him in his play-pen or his crib so that I can get ready while my wife sleeps, and he just wails. The worst part is that he's just getting over a pretty bad cold and his little voice is hoarse. You can't imagine how pitiful that sounds.

Of course, the entire thing is our fault as we held him through the night the first several months of his life. He came a couple of weeks early and he was so small, that we thought doing that would help him grow faster.

In the end, I need some advice!!! How do I deal with this? I feel terrible leaving him in the crib, his crying just breaks my heart, but we get nothing done. I don't even want to tell you how little sleep we get. A good night is 5 hours. My wife and I don't even have time to clean the house properly because he's so clingy. Forget any real alone time. We try to have nightly "TV dates" as we call them, and the little bugger won't sleep past 10:30 usually. He generally wants to eat between 11 and midnight, and will go back to sleep if he comes to bed with us. Going back to his crib is almost impossible without sleepless hours listening to him scream his little lungs out. Of course, he hyperventilates and sobs, even has tears at times.

I think you can see how this just wrenches me apart.

Any advice would be heartily welcomed!

Thanks brothers!
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Harlock999

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Location : Los Angeles
Registration date : 2010-10-22

PostSubject: Re: Need help from the dads out there   Wed Feb 02, 2011 10:06 am

My son has always slept in his own crib, but on occasional nights when he doesn't want to be left alone, I'll let him know that I'm still in the room with him by laying down on a small couch in his room, which comforts him. Sometimes I even fall asleep there, but usually he calms down and dozes off. Maybe you could try something like that. I feel your pain...parental sleep deprivation is awful.
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MisterE
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Location : Mexico City
Registration date : 2009-08-24

PostSubject: Re: Need help from the dads out there   Wed Feb 02, 2011 10:08 am

Itīs just a stage. I remember well the first few months Miguelito was home, we didnīt sleep through the night for almost a year. It wears on you, but itīs totally normal. Thatīs what babies do.

For his first year we had his crib in our bedroom with us so he got used to having us closeby but in his own space. Heīd wake up every couple of hours hungry or whatever. Weīd just take turns attending to him.

Itīs hard after weeks without sleeping to keep positive and it is definitely stressful on the relationship with your wife. Been there!! All I can say is "hang in there". It is a stressful time but it will pass. The art of it is not to let the stress of the situation affect your relationship. It requires constant effort to keep this in mind as you are sllep deprived and stressed all the time.

At one year he went to his own bedroom and over time he slept longer stretches at a time. Heīs three now and usually sleeps the whole night through.

Now itīs tempertantrums- thatīs a whole new kind of fun!
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Harlock999

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Location : Los Angeles
Registration date : 2010-10-22

PostSubject: Re: Need help from the dads out there   Wed Feb 02, 2011 10:19 am

MisterE wrote:
Itīs just a stage. I remember well the first few months Miguelito was home, we didnīt sleep through the night for almost a year. It wears on you, but itīs totally normal. Thatīs what babies do.

For his first year we had his crib in our bedroom with us so he got used to having us closeby but in his own space. Heīd wake up every couple of hours hungry or whatever. Weīd just take turns attending to him.

Itīs hard after weeks without sleeping to keep positive and it is definitely stressful on the relationship with your wife. Been there!! All I can say is "hang in there". It is a stressful time but it will pass. The art of it is not to let the stress of the situation affect your relationship. It requires constant effort to keep this in mind as you are sllep deprived and stressed all the time.

At one year he went to his own bedroom and over time he slept longer stretches at a time. Heīs three now and usually sleeps the whole night through.

Now itīs tempertantrums- thatīs a whole new kind of fun!

So very true!
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MisterE
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Location : Mexico City
Registration date : 2009-08-24

PostSubject: Re: Need help from the dads out there   Wed Feb 02, 2011 10:26 am

Harlock, how old is your boy?? Is he in the kicking and screaming stage or are you past that?

Miguelito is definitely exploring the limits of what a good meltdown will get him, hahaha! affraid
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Cuervo25_1

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Age : 43
Location : North New Jersey
Registration date : 2011-01-13

PostSubject: Re: Need help from the dads out there   Wed Feb 02, 2011 10:35 am

Does he have a favorite stuffed animal? get yours and your wifes scent on it and put it in bed with him,see if that helps. My wife let our son sleep with us for way too long and we didn't get him broke of it until he was 6.
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Anders And

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Age : 42
Location : Germany
Registration date : 2010-08-09

PostSubject: Re: Need help from the dads out there   Wed Feb 02, 2011 12:21 pm

Interesting topic!

I agree with MisterE, it’s only a stage. My son is two and a half years old now but he’s been sleeping in his own bed from the start. During nighttime, my wife and I only let him sleep in our bed when there was no other way to comfort him.

When he was about one and a half years old, he also got a room of his own, but we still stayed in the room with him until he was sleeping. Then we would steal out of the room as quielty as possible. But if we got out of his room too early, he’d start complaining of course. This procedure was getting more and more difficult as he started or kept fooling around with the one of us that was trying to get him to sleep. bounce I guess he sort of felt obliged to entertain us while we stayed in the room with him although he was really tired... Wink

As a consequence, we started to "train" him to find to sleep on his own by leaving the room after the daily bedtime ritual (undressing, singing a lullaby etc). Of course, he’d protest soon after his parent had left the room, but it was important not to respond immediately but come back only after one or two minutes or so to comfort him and give him another chance to calm down. In the beginning, it was really tough! But from day to day it got better and better. And finally, after a week or so, he was perfectly able to find to sleep all on his own.

Before we decided to try this, my wife and I had both read of this "Training Method" and had been very sceptical about. But as we tried it, it showed it really helped our boy and us to relax. NB: You should definitely NOT try this when your child is still too young (I think I read somewhere that babies are generally not able to get to sleep on their own during the first 5 or 6 months) or if it’s suffering from any kind of illness or infection.

Generally, I think it’s very important to try to connect the child’s own bed with something positive. This could be a favourite stuffed animal, like Cuervo said, and of course, you should never "punish" your child by putting it to bed. On the contrary, the bed should rather be associated with comfort/cosyness and something to look forward to.
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hobie1dog

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Age : 61
Location : Cornelius, NC
Registration date : 2010-06-21

PostSubject: Re: Need help from the dads out there   Wed Feb 02, 2011 12:43 pm

If he has been sleeping with you for 2 months......that's a really long time for a baby to get totally attached to you at night. This may take awhile. Did you say that you have tried to put his crib in your room?
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CPl_A



Age : 33
Location : Walter Reed
Registration date : 2011-01-25

PostSubject: Re: Need help from the dads out there   Wed Feb 02, 2011 1:47 pm

I got a 14 month old. The way that we got her to sleep during the night is to keep her up during the day without a nap for a couple of days. This got her to sleep all night and got her on a set schedual. its going to suck while you are doing this because your son will be cranky but it will put him on a set sleep/awake cycle. We also would turn on any lights when she woke up for a diaper change/bottle. That seemed to work. If nothing else works it will end soon.
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puros_bran
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Location : Brandenburg, Ky
Registration date : 2007-12-10

PostSubject: Re: Need help from the dads out there   Wed Feb 02, 2011 1:51 pm

MisterE wrote:
Harlock, how old is your boy?? Is he in the kicking and screaming stage or are you past that?

Miguelito is definitely exploring the limits of what a good meltdown will get him, hahaha! affraid


That don't change.. I have 16/10/8 yr olds that still does it..lol
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CPl_A



Age : 33
Location : Walter Reed
Registration date : 2011-01-25

PostSubject: Re: Need help from the dads out there   Wed Feb 02, 2011 1:56 pm

puros_bran wrote:
MisterE wrote:
Harlock, how old is your boy?? Is he in the kicking and screaming stage or are you past that?

Miguelito is definitely exploring the limits of what a good meltdown will get him, hahaha! affraid


That don't change.. I have 16/10/8 yr olds that still does it..lol

I'm 26. I still do that.
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talrmn35

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Age : 42
Location : DeKalb, IL
Registration date : 2010-12-09

PostSubject: Re: Need help from the dads out there   Wed Feb 02, 2011 2:50 pm

Martin, most parents have been there. Especially with that first one. The main thing my wife and I have found with our 8 (yes EIGHT) children is the strong need for CONSISTENCY. Kids need a schedule, it gives them security. They know what to expect and when.

There is a good book called "Baby Wise" it's good for the first child experience. It can help you get your baby into good sleeping patterns...

They will protest change, but you have to stand firm or they will railroad you with their "sweet sad cries". They are little people and want what they want, just like big people.

Once they know you are resolute, it will get better. Like the other dads have said, it is a phase. But after this phase, there are more....MUHAHAHAHA!

Keep up the fight!
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talrmn35

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Age : 42
Location : DeKalb, IL
Registration date : 2010-12-09

PostSubject: Re: Need help from the dads out there   Wed Feb 02, 2011 2:52 pm

One more thing...I see he's 10 months old...I he teething?! That may be the cause of all the screaming. If it is, children's Tylenol is a life saver!
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Natch

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Age : 67
Location : foothills of the Ozarks
Registration date : 2007-12-21

PostSubject: Re: Need help from the dads out there   Wed Feb 02, 2011 3:38 pm

Watch The Dog Whisperer on TV. Cesar's advice worked wonders on my teenage daughter, I'm sure they'd work on your son? Laughing

Seriously, this can be a problem. No advice, as our daughter slept well from week one.

Natch
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CPl_A



Age : 33
Location : Walter Reed
Registration date : 2011-01-25

PostSubject: Re: Need help from the dads out there   Wed Feb 02, 2011 4:08 pm

talrmn35 wrote:
One more thing...I see he's 10 months old...I he teething?! That may be the cause of all the screaming. If it is, children's Tylenol is a life saver!
Whats even better is oraljel? makes these swabs where you pop off one end and the liquid drops down to the other end and you swab it on the gums in the right area. those are a life saver. CVS and Walgreens sells these.
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shootist51



Location : Indianapolis, Indiana
Registration date : 2007-12-28

PostSubject: Re: Need help from the dads out there   Wed Feb 02, 2011 4:27 pm

First off, an infant sleeping with an adult is about the most dangerous thing that you can do, there have been numerous instances, here in Indianapolis, concerning infants being suffocated or crushed by a sleeping parent or guardian.So STOP IT!

Second you and the Mrs. need to put the baby in a crib, in a separate room from where you sleep and learn to let him cry. it may take a while, but eventually the child will learn that crying, screaming etc. will not lead to the immediate gratification he has come to expect. This is hard. It took about 3 weeks for this to work with my youngest, but it did work and was recommended by her pediatrician.

Third, as this child grows you need to understand that it is your job to raise this child into the type of person that can contribute to society and be productive. One of the hardest things for a parent to say to a child is no, start forming this child now and it will be much easier on all of you in the future.

I have noticed that in other cultures crying children are a rarity, I believe this is due to the fact that in our culture, when a child is born, we totally change our lifestyle to accommodate the child. I Europe and many other countries the child is forced to integrate into the family, not vice versa.

Good luck
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MisterE
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Location : Mexico City
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PostSubject: Re: Need help from the dads out there   Wed Feb 02, 2011 4:42 pm

CPl_A wrote:
puros_bran wrote:
MisterE wrote:
Harlock, how old is your boy?? Is he in the kicking and screaming stage or are you past that?

Miguelito is definitely exploring the limits of what a good meltdown will get him, hahaha! affraid


That don't change.. I have 16/10/8 yr olds that still does it..lol

I'm 26. I still do that.

Geez, you mean ot only gets better and better??!! affraid
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Harlock999

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Location : Los Angeles
Registration date : 2010-10-22

PostSubject: Re: Need help from the dads out there   Wed Feb 02, 2011 9:25 pm

MisterE wrote:
Harlock, how old is your boy?? Is he in the kicking and screaming stage or are you past that?

Miguelito is definitely exploring the limits of what a good meltdown will get him, hahaha! affraid

My son Andrew is 2 1/2, and not so much a kicker and screamer, but more of a passive resistor. He's good at turning his body to jello. His fake cry is kind of annoying too, but so far, I'm happy to say I've seen much worse, so I'm not complaining, (much)! On a good day, he's an unbelievable joy!
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flytyer

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Age : 51
Location : N E Pa.
Registration date : 2009-03-22

PostSubject: Re: Need help from the dads out there   Wed Feb 02, 2011 9:32 pm

When our son was at this stage we placed him in his crib..and closed the door on our way out. I admit it was hard letting him cry..but after the second night he fell asleep pretty quik.After about a week we were able to establish a bedtime for him...and we had some free time to ourselves. Maybe a good place to try this may be nap time during the day...then use it at bedtime. I understand all kids are differant...just letting you know what worked for us.
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Harlock999

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Location : Los Angeles
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PostSubject: Re: Need help from the dads out there   Wed Feb 02, 2011 10:33 pm

He's creative too!
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MisterE
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PostSubject: Re: Need help from the dads out there   Wed Feb 02, 2011 11:03 pm

My wife and I had a good laugh the other night after a particularly rough day for Mike. An hour before he was ballistic- throwing, kicking, screaming, you name it. "Nooooo, NO QUIEEEEROOOOOO!!!!" - just wasnīt going to eat his dinner. Period.

Then when the rage finally wore him out, he wound down and peacefully fell asleep. Just lying there with that innocent look on his face like nothing ever happened.

Itīs hard to believe the same creature is capable of such rage, hahaha.

Yes, thatīs HIM in my avatar... Rolling Eyes
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Harlock999

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Location : Los Angeles
Registration date : 2010-10-22

PostSubject: Re: Need help from the dads out there   Thu Feb 03, 2011 10:04 am

MisterE wrote:
My wife and I had a good laugh the other night after a particularly rough day for Mike. An hour before he was ballistic- throwing, kicking, screaming, you name it. "Nooooo, NO QUIEEEEROOOOOO!!!!" - just wasnīt going to eat his dinner. Period.

Then when the rage finally wore him out, he wound down and peacefully fell asleep. Just lying there with that innocent look on his face like nothing ever happened.

Itīs hard to believe the same creature is capable of such rage, hahaha.

Yes, thatīs HIM in my avatar... Rolling Eyes

My son says "No, I don't no want!!!"
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sand18f

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Age : 68
Location : Southern Appalachia
Registration date : 2011-01-17

PostSubject: Re: Need help from the dads out there   Sat Feb 05, 2011 4:07 am

I have grandchilren now...oh how sweet is the taste of revenge.
Three of my granddaughters came to visit us recently...the two year old was awakened by my grown children laughing and visiting. I had also retired for the night.
I got up and got dressed and carried all three of the grand kids to the store for ice cream and snacks, at 02:30, we had a blast...came home and gave them back to their mom Cool
Life is good.
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Hammer8

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Age : 47
Location : Hartford, WI
Registration date : 2008-08-02

PostSubject: Re: Need help from the dads out there   Sat Feb 05, 2011 10:49 am

My wife and i used the Ferber method with our son when he was about 6 or 7 months. Basically, you start out with the same rituals and bed time every night. After the child is in bed, you leave him alone for increasingly longer intervals, returning for increasingly shorter time periods to only comfort and reassure him that you're still around if he needs you- never actually picking him up, until he is asleep.

The first few nights were horrible. My son was screaming was so horribly, that my wife actually had to go and sit in the basement so she couldn't hear him scream. I was really wondering if he was possessed or something! After about the third night, he gradually got better, and fell asleep easier until there was no fuss at all after about a week.

If you're willing to put up with a few nights of hell, it's worth it in the long run. There is a book written on this by Dr. Ferber and I'm sure many resources on the net if you Google it.

Good luck Very Happy
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MisterE
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PostSubject: Re: Need help from the dads out there   Sat Feb 05, 2011 3:26 pm

Natch wrote:
Watch The Dog Whisperer on TV. Cesar's advice worked wonders on my teenage daughter, I'm sure they'd work on your son? Laughing

Seriously, this can be a problem. No advice, as our daughter slept well from week one.

Natch

You joke but what he teaches to the pet owners is great stuff that totally applies to raising kids!! I love that guy...
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