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 The Definitive Holiday Gift Guide

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Vito

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Location : Earth
Registration date : 2007-12-10

PostSubject: The Definitive Holiday Gift Guide   Mon Dec 03, 2012 8:03 pm

Tired of giving the same old boring gifts? Here's the solution:

Dave Barry's Holiday Gift Guide

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idbowman

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Age : 35
Location : Painesville, OH
Registration date : 2011-12-19

PostSubject: Re: The Definitive Holiday Gift Guide   Mon Dec 03, 2012 8:20 pm

Dave Barry never disappoints!
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Puff Daddy
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Age : 53
Location : South of heaven
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PostSubject: Re: The Definitive Holiday Gift Guide   Mon Dec 03, 2012 8:48 pm

How could I have not seen that trailer hitch mounted stripper pole before? I know what grandma's getting this year! Twisted Evil

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Vito

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PostSubject: Re: The Definitive Holiday Gift Guide   Mon Dec 03, 2012 9:06 pm

Puff Daddy wrote:
How could I have not seen that trailer hitch mounted stripper pole before? I know what grandma's getting this year! Twisted Evil
You must have a hot grandma, PD. Send her down here with that thing. Twisted Evil

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Puff Daddy
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PostSubject: Re: The Definitive Holiday Gift Guide   Mon Dec 03, 2012 9:11 pm

Careful what you ask for friend, the last guy who witnessed that still hasn't regained his sight and is still refusing to eat. Haven't you suffered enough already? And you thought passing a stone was painful......

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Vito

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PostSubject: Re: The Definitive Holiday Gift Guide   Mon Dec 03, 2012 10:09 pm

Puff Daddy wrote:
Careful what you ask for friend, the last guy who witnessed that still hasn't regained his sight and is still refusing to eat. Haven't you suffered enough already? And you thought passing a stone was painful......
HAR! Laughing

Hey, after breaking my foot, then losing two months of income with that spinal injury, then missing my third quarter estimated tax payment, and then playing alien death worm with that piss rock, how much worse can the pain get? I've prolly paid enough pain dues this year to get close to transcendence. Or at least to play the blues. Maybe the matriarchal mambo will be enough to qualify me for Buddhahood, plus the Bonus Round.

Either that or the horror of watching grandma get nasty in SoCal traffic will push me over the edge. I'll make sure Mrs. Vito has instructions as to what part of the tobacco cellar should go to you in gratitude for being the instrument of my release from this mortal coil.

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puros_bran
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Location : Brandenburg, Ky
Registration date : 2007-12-10

PostSubject: Re: The Definitive Holiday Gift Guide   Mon Dec 03, 2012 10:32 pm

The only thing one my list again this year is a Feather Ac non folder.

I don't know why I don't just put socks, that's what I'll get. Lo
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Vito

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PostSubject: Re: The Definitive Holiday Gift Guide   Mon Dec 03, 2012 11:51 pm

puros_bran wrote:
...socks, that's what I'll get. Lo
Doggone it, PB. I wanted it to be a surprise.

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puros_bran
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Location : Brandenburg, Ky
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PostSubject: Re: The Definitive Holiday Gift Guide   Tue Dec 04, 2012 12:45 am

I've been getting them for 20 years...

Every year its this big production where I have to make a list... I fight it, they insist.. I protest I never get whats on my list.. they insure me I will.. I spend a week or so shopping for what I want, listing locations, prices , etc.. every year but two its been socks, flannelshirts, ties, and coffee mugs.

Every year I ask her what she wants, she says nothing.. every year (but one) I go try to find something she'll like.. every year she pretends to like the crap I bought..

the whole process is mind numbing.
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puros_bran
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PostSubject: Re: The Definitive Holiday Gift Guide   Tue Dec 04, 2012 12:49 am

That 'but one'. Yeah that didn't go over so well.
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Vito

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PostSubject: Re: The Definitive Holiday Gift Guide   Tue Dec 04, 2012 2:59 am

pb:

The obvious solution: Give her what you want. When she looks at you with that "WTF?" look, just grin and say, "It's amazing the miraculous things reciprocation can do."

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Puff Daddy
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PostSubject: Re: The Definitive Holiday Gift Guide   Tue Dec 04, 2012 7:42 am

Vito wrote:
I'll make sure Mrs. Vito has instructions as to what part of the tobacco cellar should go to you in gratitude for being the instrument of my release from this mortal coil.


Mixture 79. Neutral .......... I'll take the socks.

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Vito

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PostSubject: Re: The Definitive Holiday Gift Guide   Tue Dec 04, 2012 9:32 am

Puff Daddy wrote:
Mixture 79. Neutral .......... I'll take the socks.
Wow...good thing you told me. I had you down for all this Boh Scan, and Burleyweeds from the '60s and '70s. But no sweat, I'll make sure "all the Mixture No. 79 I own" is in there.

So...I prolly should toss in the Grouse-Moor too, right? Twisted Evil

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Puff Daddy
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PostSubject: Re: The Definitive Holiday Gift Guide   Tue Dec 04, 2012 9:48 am

Ah, I see, when you die you're planning on taking me with you. Death by Grouse Moor and Mixture 79. He didn't stand a chance Evil or Very Mad

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PostSubject: Re: The Definitive Holiday Gift Guide   Tue Dec 04, 2012 9:59 am

Yo, Bros.

It's way simpler than that. All you've gotta do is step off the merry-go-round.

Tell her to go find what she exactly wants, buy it, wrap it up, & mark the little tag "Love, [You]."

Do the same on your own account (assuming you still really want stuff for Christmas at your age. Some habits persist despite declining motivation).

Game over. Problem solved. And she got exactly what she wanted !!!! Thank You Thank You Thank You !

It's worked on this end for 20+ years.

Time wasted playing The Present Game = 0. Twisted Evil

cat What a Face study
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Vito

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PostSubject: Re: The Definitive Holiday Gift Guide   Tue Dec 04, 2012 10:06 am

Puff Daddy wrote:
Ah, I see, when you die you're planning on taking me with you. Death by Grouse Moor and Mixture 79. He didn't stand a chance Evil or Very Mad
Maybe it'd just be better if grandma stayed home. Besides, you could always catch her pole dance on video and use it for disciplinary action here on BoB.

Or maybe JT would take it on consignment. P )

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bosun1

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Registration date : 2012-10-23

PostSubject: Re: The Definitive Holiday Gift Guide   Tue Dec 04, 2012 11:42 pm

I don't have the shopping gene. "Wife, get what you want" generally takes care of things. Worked that way for close to 40 years. If she can't find a particular item I can look on the net for it. She'll go out with the "kids" so she can pay for what they want. me, I buy what I want when I want. Right now stocking up the cellar!
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