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 Well Here I Go...

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GuitarMyFriend

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Age : 24
Location : Ludington, MI
Registration date : 2012-02-22

PostSubject: Well Here I Go...   Fri Mar 29, 2013 8:19 pm

This is it boys,
I've officially started putting money away for an engagement ring. I figured it's about time. My parents Love her, (my mum's already trying to plan the wedding, and my pops actually talks to this girl),
My older sister whom usually wants nothing to do with me for unknown reasons actually LOVES this girl, my little brother and sister adore her, her parents love me, her brother is a great friend, her Grandmother and I lunch frequently, my Grandmother and her go out shopping. I adore this girl, I figure late this year, or sometime early next year, I'll drop a knee. I do believe we're ready. I mean, She has bought me a pipe, that's a sign right?
She's showed me the ring she wants, and we've discussed it thoroughly, AND we pray about it almost every night. I want to be married once, and it's going to be to this girl.

Any advice or last words? Help me out,

Zach
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puros_bran
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Location : Brandenburg, Ky
Registration date : 2007-12-10

PostSubject: Re: Well Here I Go...   Fri Mar 29, 2013 9:29 pm

Do you really want marriage advice from the girly men on here? For real ? You do realize the majority of them don't smoke in THEIR home because SHE said so.... Rolling Eyes Men indeed Rolling Eyes

The first rule is never lie.. don't be an ass, but always be truthful. Even the white lies are a no no..

Every day from that point on is a gift, treat it as such.. Make an effort to find love , not passion.. love , everyday. Compliment her when you mean it , and actively look for ways to mean it..

Never go to sleep, leave the house , or hang up the phone without telling her you love her, it might be the last time.

She is your queen, treat her as such. She Always, Always, Always comes first (not to be vulger but that works for the other meaning too). If someone goes without its you, by choice. You say you'd die for her, live for her too.

Never argue with her in front of her friends and family, she's got face to keep to. When you argue, state your case and shut up. Control your temper. Be firm but gentle.. she is your queen, remember.
Don't back down but don't be ugly. And keep a short memory, she's going to say some hurtful stuff.

You are the man. Society doesn't like it anymore but that is your wife, your home, your children.. run a tight but fair ship. Behave in such a manner as to bring respect to all three ..

Smoke your pipe in your chair when you feel like it. PERIOD.
Again , don't be ugly but be firm.

I'll close with: Every time you have sex the first five years put a dollar in a jar.. every time you have sex after the five year mark take a dollar out as a reward... Your children will bury you with what's left over at the end of your days.


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puros_bran
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Location : Brandenburg, Ky
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PostSubject: Re: Well Here I Go...   Fri Mar 29, 2013 9:37 pm

Forgot one.. it's more important than you know... The first male child.. honor her mother or father in the name. I don't know her maiden name but as long as its not Shomblowski or something like that make it his name.. first or middle.. another possibility is her fathers name... Or even mothers name.. but honor that side of his heritage. She gave up her name for yours, pay respect.


Edited in: Not the first child, the first boy.. I know I said that already but I didn't tell you why.. The girl loses her name in marriage.. the boy doesn't.. by blessing the boy with the honor or protecting his mother's lineage you eternally tie the two parts together.
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PostSubject: Re: Well Here I Go...   Fri Mar 29, 2013 10:03 pm

Keep reminding yourself that you love her every time she pisses you off -- that you took her for better or for worse and, if some moment of stinkage was a "worse," then for that too. She's human like you are.

Speak your mind in your own house. If she asks you if a dress makes her ass look big and it does, be honest. Otherwise the lies and the games just pile up until they choke out the sunlight. There's enough bullshit in the world and then some. Don't burden yourselves with more of it.

When you're wrong, apologise.

Women are like dry twigs. You can only bend them so far before they break. It's not worth it. Enjoy her for what (& how) she is. As long as she's not blowing your life savings on drugs or something like that, it's probably not that big a deal.

Put your dirty clothes in the hamper when you take them off.

Women are huge on symbolic gestures like sending birthday & anniversary cards. That's how they show people they love them. They do NOT understand (until you explain it to them) that the masculine equivalent of that is sticking a cork in it whenever they rub you the wrong way.

Break it to her as gently as possible that girlfriend rules and husband rules are not the same. Husbands listen and offer their opinion when asked. Once and done. They don't want to hear the same 20-minute spiel a second time the next day. That's what girlfriends are for.

Get into the habit of being deliberately polite and affectionate. That's the soil that happy marriages need to sink their roots in. Make it a habit and enjoy the fruit it bears. By the time you reach the point down the road where you're calling each other by the dog's name because your mental transmission belts are wearing out (and if you live long enough, they will), contentment will be habitual.

Make sure the priorities are firm : 1) God. 2) Spouse. 3) That other stuff. Whenever conflict arises (and it will), refer to the preceding.

PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR KIDS. Especially when they're young. Do NOT put them at arm's length and treat them like they're kids. Take their questions seriously and spend time with them. You only get one shot at it.

And remember what you were like at their age(s).

If you live any distance from her folks, you will find her turning back into their daughter again when you visit them or they visit you. This will freak you out at first. She'll be your wife again after they leave.

Once your're married, you are under no further obligation to eat her mother's egg custard pie and pretend you enjoy it.

Quote :
When to the age of 40 they come,
Men run to middle ; women, to bum
Accept the inevitable. Laughing

What a Face


Last edited by Yak on Sat Mar 30, 2013 2:48 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: Well Here I Go...   Fri Mar 29, 2013 10:42 pm

If you can't get buy-in on no TV in the house, at least ration it when the kids come. And hold the line.

Play number and counting games with them. Memorise Bible verses. And poems. Teach them anything you know that they're interested in, and don't let that interest get cold or give them the feeling that they're "bothering you."

Spend time doing things with them that aren't just chores.

The one thing that kids need the way plants need water is to feel like they're an important part of the family and contributing things of value. Get creative in manufacturing things they can genuinely help with without ever letting on that's what you're doing.

The happiest, healthiest kids I've ever seen have been Amish boys working beside their fathers in the harness shop. There's a lesson there.

Lead by example.

What a Face
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Jers

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Location : Ireland
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PostSubject: Re: Well Here I Go...   Sat Mar 30, 2013 1:17 am

Great news - Congratulations Zach! cheers cheers

I don't think I've much to add to the previous posts. I'm married 25 years and much like yourself it started for me with an understanding that I had met the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

Never, ever, ever go to bed with an argument unresolved. (advice I was given which I'm passing onto you).

Fraternally

Jers
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BigCasino

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Location : North of Pittsburgh pa
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PostSubject: Re: Well Here I Go...   Sat Mar 30, 2013 7:07 am

congrats Zach! and take the advice these three have given you here, it has worked the last 27yrs for me, just don't pay no mind to that dollar in a jar thing, if it was true I'd have went into debt these last ten yrs P )
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Slide



Age : 55
Location : Benton, Louisiana
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PostSubject: Re: Well Here I Go...   Sat Mar 30, 2013 7:21 am

Realize it is not ALL about YOU.
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PostSubject: Re: Well Here I Go...   Sat Mar 30, 2013 7:34 am

Quote :
that dollar in a jar thing

Quote :
"Kissin" don't last. Good cookin' does.
Penna. Dutch Proverb

What a Face
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dshpipes

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PostSubject: Re: Well Here I Go...   Sat Mar 30, 2013 9:01 am

I've never been married, but I've been around the block a few times, so I'll offer what little I've got for you.

When older, wiser men offer you advice, listen very carefully. Write it down if you have to and refer to it often because you won't understand their advice until the moment is upon you when you actually need it. Commit their words to memory so that when the moment arises, you've got a database of advice that you can access quickly. This will help you avoid making the same mistakes that they did that brought them the wisdom they've offered to you. You will still make them, but armed with sage advice, you will make them less often and learn from them faster.

Become best friends with her father. His advice and guidance will prove invaluable in your marriage. On that note, use your family and hers as a source for advice and guidance. When you don't know what to do or you feel lost, reach out to these people. It can be frightening to reach out to her family, but they know her better than anyone and will have solutions you didn't even imagine. It can also be frightening to reach out to your family. The fear of allowing them to know that something is wrong can be overwhelming. If you do not reach out to these people, it will harm only you and your relationship. If you do reach out to them, it will only improve your understanding of your relationship and make you and your wife happier. Swallow your pride and ask for help.

That's the best I've got at my ripe young age. Razz

BTW, Congratulations!
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lifeon2



Age : 43
Location : Denver Colorado
Registration date : 2013-01-29

PostSubject: Re: Well Here I Go...   Sat Mar 30, 2013 9:03 am

Everyone is going to tell you how hard it is, it really isnt.

Accept do not expect, this goes for both of you. If the woman she is right now is who you want to spend the rest of your life with then you are good to go however if the woman she is is the one you want to spend your life with but gee wouldnt it be nice if you could change this or that then walk away. Same goes for her.

Small affections are under rated. I dated a lot like mad man ho a lot before I met my wife. I am still friends with many of the women I dated and if you ask them they will tell you that they miss the little affections. They will probably word it differently but the long and short of it is when you head in to the kitchen for a cup of coffee if she is in there give her a kiss, cuddle on the couch, hold hands all the little things that let her know even when the passion cools to comfortable familiarity that you still love her this [---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------] much.
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dshpipes

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PostSubject: Re: Well Here I Go...   Sat Mar 30, 2013 9:08 am

Oh, one more thing from me.

Any advice that makes you want to stop listening is the advice you need the most.
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PostSubject: Re: Well Here I Go...   Sat Mar 30, 2013 9:08 am

This ^

They have very short emotional attention spans sometimes. You have to keep reminding them.

Then again, a lot of times they just want to keep hearing it. Which gets old.

But from their perspective, men just keep wanting something else the same way lol!

It's a fair exchange Cool

What a Face


Last edited by Yak on Sat Mar 30, 2013 10:09 am; edited 2 times in total
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Carlos
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PostSubject: Re: Well Here I Go...   Sat Mar 30, 2013 9:20 am

WHAT!? You haven't asked her yet?! sunny

_________________


"Never turn your back on a Breen".
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GuitarMyFriend

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Age : 24
Location : Ludington, MI
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PostSubject: Re: Well Here I Go...   Sat Mar 30, 2013 10:03 am

Wow guys!
I think I've got the small emotional stuff covered. We both put God first, and come together before him to work on our problems. We did just today. She knows me because I've let her know me, and I know her because she did the same. I've got some of the other stuff covered, but the advice is going to be kept just incase. I really appreciate this guys.
And Carlos,
I'M WORKIN' ON IT!
Zach
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Dutch

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PostSubject: Re: Well Here I Go...   Sat Mar 30, 2013 10:23 am

Zach, a wise woman once explained to me, that there is no such thing as "friends with benefits." All women are looking for a man who will love them. If a woman has no strings attached sex on a regular basis, chances are, she is screwed up emotionally in some way.

Knowing this, makes it much easier to keep a good woman happy, once you comprehend that what she wants is attention, affection, and occasional shopping.

On a regular basis, find ways to show her you love her instead of just telling her. As the old saying goes, "talk is cheap, and easy to come by."

Also, be very careful what you say, when you are having a disagreement. Women can remember exactly what you said, 7 years and 3 hours ago. You can apologize to her for something you said, but you can never remove it completely from her memory.

Also, never ever point out her physical flaws. She already has a list longer than you can imagine, and again, she will NEVER forget what you said, even if you were joking around.
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Kyle Weiss

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Location : Reno, NV
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PostSubject: Re: Well Here I Go...   Sat Mar 30, 2013 10:37 am

Zach...

Huge congrats. I have nothing to add that hasn't been covered. The one thing I can add that I think kept solid me and mine was family--which is something I didn't really have before. Yep, they're just as screwy as the rest of us, but they're filled with love. We hang out, all of us, even the broken parts of my family were invited, and everyone gets along. For some reason, everything else seemed superfluous, but I have little experience with family life--fortunately, I knew a good thing when I saw it, and the rest was history. You have to put up with her family as well, so if it's a good set, that's just icing on the cake. That's why I was so upset recently with all the health problems striking my family (both sides) in a storm...I'm pretty protective of the thing I didn't know I needed, but now cherish.

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and kind of wuss out a tad, but I kind of got "tough guy dust in my eye" when I read your post. You two are ridiculously adorable, I dig reading your adventures with her, tales of faith, love, fun and partnership. Which is why I think PeeB and Yak's opening answers will suit you especially...I live by most of them, if not my own interpretation, and it's good stuff. Makes the not-easy a little easier.

Enjoy the hell out of it, brother, there's a whole life ahead of you two. I love you You deserve it, proud to call ya friend, Bro. Lastly--GOOD LUCK when you drop the question! Very Happy

Cool
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GuitarMyFriend

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PostSubject: Re: Well Here I Go...   Sat Mar 30, 2013 2:21 pm

Thanks Kyle!
Thank you all actually! Her and I are there, it's just a matter of finances for the ring. I've already planned out the proposal also. It'll be awesome. And PB don't you worry, I smoke in my chair. I like to walk and smoke sometimes, but when I come home from work, It's a pipe in my chair.
Zach
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Kyle Weiss

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PostSubject: Re: Well Here I Go...   Sun Mar 31, 2013 11:57 am

Just out of curiosity, where and how did you two meet? I always ask specific people things like that, because finding good people just seems like the exception these days, rather than the rule. Kind of offsets the questions I have about people in general and dispels the inescapable myths and Hollywood examples we're supposed to adopt. Too many nice guys end up with horrid sirens and too many cool gals end up with complete goons.

Cool
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GuitarMyFriend

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PostSubject: Re: Well Here I Go...   Sun Mar 31, 2013 4:43 pm

Well Mr. Kyle, if you must know.

I lived in Michigan before moving to Rhode Island with my family. As soon as I graduated, I moved back to live with my Grams and Gramps. While in Rhode Island, I frequented a hookah lounge and eventually bought my own hookah. When I moved back, I asked my good friend who took me out the night I arrived, where I can find some shisha (Hookah tobacco). He said he knew this girl who just moved here from California, who also loves hookah. He took me to where she worked and I walked in all cocky, and asked her about it. We swapped numbers, I told her what flavors I liked, and she said she'd pick some up for me from down state the next time she went there. I hadn't heard from her in a while, and one day, I had to stop for gas. (She's a gas station attendant... or was). I just finished pumping, walked in all cocky once again, pulled out my wallet, and realized, I just had enough for gas, and 2 bucks left over. I sighed, and said, "I'll take some Cheyennes please". She looked at me all gross like and said, "you smoke those?!?" I said not usually, but the gas consumed all my money. She asked me what I usually smoked, I told her, she took my two dollars, and pulled some money out of her purse and handed me the smokes. I thanked her, walked out. The second I got my paycheck, I walked in and bought myself a pack of smokes, and her two packs of smokes as a thank you. That night, she invited me and my bud to go to her house and watch a movie, and smoke a hookah. So we went, had a great time until she ran to her room and brought out a guitar. She started strumming, and telling us how she's been in bands, and she's been playing for 8 years. My friend who obviously didn't care one bit, said, "Oh Zach! You play guitar, why don't you play?!?" I said, "Oh, no, I haven't played in a few months" He looked at me, and said, "You played last night at my house". She looked at me funny, he looked at me funny. So she handed me the guitar. I picked it up, asked if she had a pick, she said no, so I used my Debit card. I played a few simple songs and my friend said, "No no no, play something that you wrote! Common! PLAY!" She said, "Yeah, is that all you can play?" So my competitive side came out, and I just started playing this song I wrote back a while ago. After the last note, my bud says, "There ya go!" She looks, at me and said, "So how long have you been playing?" I said, "2 1/2 years" She grabbed the guitar, put it back and said, "That's enough of that, lets watch a movie". She picked out my favorite movie (I didn't say anything about it, I was trying to keep my cool) and I got the hookah set up. We watched the movie and we left. My bud was tellin' me how she had to sit right next to me, and kept eye ballin' me, and smiling at me. I didn't even pay attention to it. He just said, "Be careful with this one, don't go with her". A few weeks went by and she invited us again, my friend didn't want to go, so I went, and we just watched a movie, she laid out on the couch, and put a pillow on my lap with her head on it. I put my arm over the couch so I didn't touch her, half way through the movie, she said, "your arm's gotta be tired" and pulled it onto her side. Than wrapped us both in a blanket. The movie finished, I left. This went on for a while, than I started going back to her house every night until 3 in the morning. I'd go to bed with her, (we didn't ever do anything, just laid in bed and talked). Than one night, she rolled over and started kissing me. Than it started heating up, so I got up and said, "I gotta go, work in the morning ya know. She was all embarrassed, but walked me out. The next night I got to her apartment before she was even out of work and waited for her. I asked her about last night, and she told me that she was just drunk. Kinda sunk my stomach and left me heartbroken so I stayed away for a week or two, than went back every night until 3 am. Same routine. I've met her grandmother (Who's a saint) and actually had dinner with her family. Her mother said, "So this is the one, huh?" Smiling at me all night. Than one night on the usual routine, she rolled over, and told me how her Grandmother has talked about me, and how I'm a great guy blah blah blah. She in short confessed her love to me in the same way that I had tried doing for months every night. She asked me why I left the night we kissed, I told her that she wasn't my girl, I wasn't going to do anything with someone that's not my girl. That night we just talked about each other and complimented each other and confessed to each other how we felt. I asked her very politely if I could have a kiss. She nodded, we kissed, and went to bed holding each other. I had to wake up at 5 am for work, so the 2 hours of sleep I got felt great, but went to work, went back to grams house, told her nothing, and waited so that I would be casually late to meet her at her apartment. While waiting, I felt my stomach drop again, and wondered if this situation was going to be the same where she told me what happened was a mistake. I drove over just as she got home, and she walked in to her bedroom, motioned for me to follow, so I did, and she grabbed me and kissed me and told me how all day she's been thinking about me. A few days after that, she made me make it, "Facebook official". Ever since we've been together, and I've loved ever second of it. The first few months were tricky, but we got everything where we want it to be. Thanks for asking, it made me appreciate our story even more. I used to think that I was hopelessly romantic, but now I got this girl, there's a reason for it. And I'm happy to do everything I can to make her excited and happy every day we're together, even though she's told me I don't have to, that I make her happy enough by being me.

WOW, sorry this is so long.

Zach
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GuitarMyFriend

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PostSubject: Re: Well Here I Go...   Sun Mar 31, 2013 4:45 pm

Oh, and we named our dog "Shisha" for that reason.

Zach
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Kyle Weiss

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PostSubject: Re: Well Here I Go...   Mon Apr 01, 2013 10:33 am

Holy detail, Zachman. Laughing

This furthers my proof that "perfect dates" are signs that things aren't going well--two people are putting on fronts and simply tap dance the way one is expected to. Awkwardness and uncertainty, for some reason, seem to be a clue to what's real...especially when two people that aren't artificial get together. It's supposed to be difficult. If it was easy, everyone would stay in their relationships, married, etc. Laughing That's the whole "Hollywood" part I chided about earlier.

If it makes you feel better, I think my better half and me started out even more awkwardly...but there's a rhythm to those stories that fascinates me. Mostly because they seem to work out more often then not.

Here's to the upcoming years, Zach. :raisesglass: Very Happy Better start saving for a good ring--something tells me as long as it's unique and special it won't have to be a diamond rock the size of Gibraltar, though.

Cool
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Hawker

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PostSubject: Re: Well Here I Go...   Mon Apr 01, 2013 11:04 am

Congrat's to both of you. Have you ever met a couple & had the feeling that "this is one that's going to last". That's the vibe i get from you too. cheers cheers cheers

Oh' & buy the way my attention span is quite small & that's the first long post/replay i can honestly say i actually read every word to end with out skimming thru. You guys rock. Have a wonderful journey.
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PostSubject: Re: Well Here I Go...   Mon Apr 01, 2013 1:52 pm

Happy Landings !

What a Face
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GuitarMyFriend

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PostSubject: Re: Well Here I Go...   Thu Apr 04, 2013 2:02 pm

I forgot to add after reading over the long post, that the first night we kissed, she drank one beer. I had asked her about being drunk after she asked me about getting up and leaving she had told me that she wasn't drunk, I didn't even think about how much she consumed. She told me that she was just embarrassed, and came up with a quick excuse.
Zach
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