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 And now comes the divorce...

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bentbulldog

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Age : 34
Location : Briarwood, NY (not joking)
Registration date : 2009-06-21

PostSubject: And now comes the divorce...   Mon Apr 18, 2016 6:59 pm

Hello fellow BoBs,

I've been out of the forum for A LONG time, over a year or so, busy with work, raising my daughter, and trying to fix my marriage.

Two years ago, what started as a WIP to salvage the relationship I have with my soon to be ex wife, has come to a breaking point. Even after stopping smoking, improving myself (my vices acording to her) and spending more time wi the family, we both agreed that the relationship has ended.

This actually came about in February but I've only recently begun to live separately, in the basement of my grandmother's house though, who doesn't allow smoking 😠

THE BIGGEST hit to me is the child support and filing costs but I have created a budget that will eventually get me out of here and into my own place, where I can finally feel like a grown man.

Ive also made a list of items to sell to raise some cash, which will include pipes and tobacco, so keep an eye on the trading forum.

The BoB have always been there for me in the past and just thought I'd share this is latest bit of news.

Thanks you all
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Ozark Wizard

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Age : 53
Location : Mark Twain National Forest, MO
Registration date : 2014-10-11

PostSubject: Re: And now comes the divorce...   Mon Apr 18, 2016 7:13 pm

Waves in our lives, ups and downs, these are the strokes from the smith's hammer, the ones that temper us into fine steel......................

It sounds like you are on your way. Good of you to carry on, and because of such, your recovery is already under way!

Take care!
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Brewdude

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Age : 64
Location : Near the Emerald city
Registration date : 2011-05-04

PostSubject: Re: And now comes the divorce...   Mon Apr 18, 2016 7:35 pm

Was rather wondering what happened to you bb. Sounds like a fustercluck, yet equally it looks like you have a plan that will sustain you in this difficult time.

I don't envy you your situation. Being saddled with child support while trying to keep your own head above water must be a burden. But keep your head down, retain a positive attitude, support your bairn in every way you can emotionally, don't let your negativity on the ex get in the way, but don't be a doormat to her.

Women can get very vicious and vindictive in situations such as these. And sometimes seek to punish their ex in an attempt to show power over him. Don't be that person.

Easy for me to say I realise, as I've never had the displeasure of any of this. Yet there are a good few I'm familiar with that have gone though this exact thing, and none of it sounds pleasant.

Hang in there mate, and if you feel the need to post your collection here to help fund the ongoing issues I'm sure many will be ready to help. But the salient thing is this - take good care of yourself first!

Foot forward - that's my motto!


Cheers,

RR
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Cartaphilus

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Age : 63
Location : East Texas
Registration date : 2011-12-15

PostSubject: Re: And now comes the divorce...   Mon Apr 18, 2016 9:51 pm

BB, This happens from time to time and I've been there as well. I can't say I didn't see it coming with what you had told us in the past about your home life. But, if I were you I wouldn't look back, not for a minute. You've got good outlooks ahead of you sir, stick with your plans and march ahead. We're all rooting for ya sir, I know I am. I've got a good feeling that life is going to be good to you if you stick it out. Wink

Just to let ya know a little, my wife ran off with a so called best friend of mine, collected welfare while he was supporting her, which I had to pay back to the state including child support and, then they got married.
Here's the best part, they had two children together and he ran out on her and she never collected a dime of child support or alimony from him. That there made my day for some time. Just goes to show ya, pay back can be a Beach and ya don't have to lift a finger. Wink

Oh! And one more thing. If the pipe makes you happy and helps ease you, don't be selling them all off sir.
At least keep the ones dear to you so you'll have something to enjoy and relax with, you deserve that. Wink
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Timbo

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Age : 41
Location : Australia
Registration date : 2015-01-18

PostSubject: Re: And now comes the divorce...   Mon Apr 18, 2016 10:34 pm

Sad to hear that BB, keep your chin up, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Hope your ex is sensible about the separation, makes life much easier for both of you if things are conducted in a calm manner.

Good luck

Tim
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Fatman

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Age : 54
Location : Alaska
Registration date : 2013-02-14

PostSubject: Re: And now comes the divorce...   Mon Apr 18, 2016 11:01 pm

It's good to hear from you, sad to see how things have went for you. Keep doing things that keep you occupied, and make you happy! When you get things sorted out, try not to be a stranger Smile
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Hermit

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Age : 64
Location : Ascension Parish
Registration date : 2008-04-22

PostSubject: Re: And now comes the divorce...   Mon Apr 18, 2016 11:19 pm

Don't sell yer pipes and tobacco;
you'll regret it forever. Twisted Evil
Sell somethin' else, like a kidney. Wink
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Ocelot55

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Location : Columbus, OH
Registration date : 2012-03-28

PostSubject: Re: And now comes the divorce...   Mon Apr 18, 2016 11:33 pm

While it's good to hear from you I wish the news were better. I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

Please let us know if we can do anything for you.
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ftrplt

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Age : 70
Location : Split between Raleigh, NC and OKC, OK
Registration date : 2007-12-15

PostSubject: Re: And now comes the divorce...   Tue Apr 19, 2016 12:03 pm

Having been down the same road many years ago, I can only say "hang in there," life will get better. This is a major life "passage" that most of us don't think will ever happen! That said, I tend to agree with the BoB's above who recommend not disposing of all your pipes & 'baccy.

Don't be a stranger, keep in touch, & let us know you're adjusting cheers FTRPLT
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MisterE
Moderator
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Location : Mexico City
Registration date : 2009-08-24

PostSubject: Re: And now comes the divorce...   Tue Apr 19, 2016 2:12 pm

Good to see ya. No worries, many of us have been in similar situations over the years. It's just.....life.

_________________
Many of the greatest pleasures in life are illegal, immoral, or smelly.

-Yak
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Bullwinkle

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Registration date : 2010-04-03

PostSubject: Re: And now comes the divorce...   Tue Apr 19, 2016 3:15 pm

Hire a good lawyer it will be the best money you ever spent do not DIY it.
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George Kaplan

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Age : 47
Location : Kalamazoo, MI
Registration date : 2012-01-07

PostSubject: Re: And now comes the divorce...   Tue Apr 19, 2016 3:33 pm

Charles,
A few things to bear in mind:
1. You're younger than you feel.
2. You're better looking than you admit.
3. All the little things your ex didn't like about you will make you fascinating to the next gal who comes along.

Don't look at this as a failure. It's just part of the book of your life. For the last hundred pages, Charlie's been kinda a chump. The next hundred are yours to write. Make Charles the hero we all knew he would be.

George
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mark
Admin
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Registration date : 2008-07-02

PostSubject: Re: And now comes the divorce...   Tue Apr 19, 2016 4:32 pm

I understand your situation having been there myself. Get through it as best you can and time takes care of the rest.
No shame in living in your grandmothers basement, you're getting by until the tornado passes. I know this won't help much now, but I met my wife/soulmate a few years after the storm settled. Keep your head high, sounds like you tried your best to make it work, not an easy thing to do.

_________________
.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let her sleep.
.
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Stick

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Age : 47
Location : 'Blighty'
Registration date : 2014-02-19

PostSubject: Re: And now comes the divorce...   Tue Apr 19, 2016 5:01 pm

It's always sad to learn of a marriage that's reached the end of its life, but often it's the only sensible solution.  The toughest part is sometimes making the choice to let go.  It seems like you're through this now and have set a course for the future.  My warmest wishes for you during these tough times.  I'm confident that in a shorter time than you'd imagine you'll find real happiness again and will have started over.  Here's to that time.
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DrumsAndBeer

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Age : 45
Location : Northern, CA
Registration date : 2012-04-04

PostSubject: Re: And now comes the divorce...   Tue Apr 19, 2016 8:03 pm

Sorry to read this. There's some really great advice here, much better than any I could give. Still, best of luck to you in achieving an amicable resolve. And yes, as others have said, don't be a stranger.
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nismo270r

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Age : 37
Location : Northern KY
Registration date : 2011-03-22

PostSubject: Re: And now comes the divorce...   Tue Apr 19, 2016 8:41 pm

Keep yer chin up and keep moving forward. Best of luck and know you've always got a rowdy bunch you can always come and bs with when you need to!
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Fr_Tom

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Location : Diocese of Northern Indiana
Registration date : 2013-05-29

PostSubject: Re: And now comes the divorce...   Wed Apr 20, 2016 7:11 am

This is tough news to hear, but crappy stuff happens and you roll with the punches. It is good to hear from you despite the bad tidings. I would counsel against selling off the pipes and tobacco, but only you know the realities of the situation and what you need to do. Maybe scaling back a little is the way...
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bentbulldog

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Age : 34
Location : Briarwood, NY (not joking)
Registration date : 2009-06-21

PostSubject: Re: And now comes the divorce...   Sat Apr 30, 2016 8:50 am

I want to thank all of you for the support and advice you have provided.
I am very fortunate in more ways than one. Its been very busy on my end. Looking for a new place sick because I have limited funds.
I AGREE WHOLHEARTEDLY that selling my pipes isn't the best solution.
There are quite a few that I would definitely miss, but there are also a few that I bought on a whim, and not too crazy about. I will likely be selling those.
Thank you again all, and I will try to be on more often.
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ftrplt

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Age : 70
Location : Split between Raleigh, NC and OKC, OK
Registration date : 2007-12-15

PostSubject: Re: And now comes the divorce...   Sat Apr 30, 2016 12:46 pm

Good to hear!!! Keep on forging ahead!! cheers FTRPLT
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Psmith

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Location : Sokcho, South Korea
Registration date : 2013-04-21

PostSubject: Re: And now comes the divorce...   Mon May 02, 2016 1:31 am

Hope it all settles down for you soon. And hopefully the pipes and tobacco you retain give you some peace during the storm.
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