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 For geezers only

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Brewdude

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Age : 64
Location : Near the Emerald city
Registration date : 2011-05-04

PostSubject: For geezers only   Sat Mar 11, 2017 8:41 pm

If you're a geezer you'll get these, if not then disregard. And please feel free to add your own.........


These great questions and answers are from the days when Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted!

Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes off the show!)


Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.


Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years...
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.


Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A.. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.


Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you
think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.


Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..


Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.


Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands
while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll
give you a gesture you'll never forget.


Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.


Q.. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get
any during the first year?
A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.


Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.


Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.


Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.


Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?


Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark..


Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the
habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.


Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head,
what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.


Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has
actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.


Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh


WE DON'T STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE WE GROW OLD, WE GROW OLD BECAUSE WE STOP LAUGHING


Cheers in geezerdom, clown

RR
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Brewdude

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Age : 64
Location : Near the Emerald city
Registration date : 2011-05-04

PostSubject: Re: For geezers only   Sat Mar 11, 2017 8:51 pm

A little too close to home for us "geezers," but still pretty clever and humorous.  


1. Herman's Hermits-- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker

2. The Bee Gees-- How Can You Mend a Broken Hip

3. Bobby Darin -- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash

4. Ringo Starr-- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends

5. Roberta Flack-- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face

6. Johnny Nash -- I Can't See Clearly Now

7. Paul Simon -- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver

8. Commodores -- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom

9. Marvin Gaye -- Heard it Through the Grape Nuts

10. Procol Harem -- A White Shade of Hair

11. Leo Sayer-- You Make Me Feel Like Napping

12. The Temptations-- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone

13. Abba-- Denture Queen

14. Tony Orlando-- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall

15. Helen Reddy-- I am Woman, Hear Me Snore

16. Willie Nelson-- On the Throne Again

17. Leslie Gore-- It's My Procedure and I'll Cry if I Want To.


jocolor


Cheers,

RR
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Cartaphilus

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Age : 63
Location : East Texas
Registration date : 2011-12-15

PostSubject: Re: For geezers only   Sat Mar 11, 2017 9:35 pm

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Ozark Wizard

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Age : 53
Location : Mark Twain National Forest, MO
Registration date : 2014-10-11

PostSubject: Re: For geezers only   Sun Mar 12, 2017 12:03 am

(smirk)

Paul Lynde was great...........
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Lonecoyote

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Age : 65
Location : State of Confusion
Registration date : 2016-10-15

PostSubject: Re: For geezers only   Sun Mar 12, 2017 7:13 am

Well done Rande and can relate to the unscripted answers that were given on the original Hollywood Squares. You never knew what would come out of Paul Lynde's mouth. Did you ever notice once a contestant chose Paul already people would start laughing, because they knew it would be a funny and witty response.
Paul Lynde was my favorite on the show and still remember this question:

Peter Marshall ( who was funny at times, had to be....his real last name was LaCock ) : Paul, it is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
Paul Lynde: Tape measures.



KEEP ON PUFFING!!!
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Stick

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Age : 47
Location : 'Blighty'
Registration date : 2014-02-19

PostSubject: Re: For geezers only   Sun Mar 12, 2017 8:45 am

Just read through these and giggled like a kid. Now getting angry stares from the rest of the folk in the library.
Thanks Rande. I think!
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ftrplt

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Age : 70
Location : Split between Raleigh, NC and OKC, OK
Registration date : 2007-12-15

PostSubject: Re: For geezers only   Sun Mar 12, 2017 2:53 pm

Ah, memories from the good ol' days when people had a sense of humor!! Notice also that not one curse word was needed or used. cheers FTRPLT
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Puff Daddy
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Age : 53
Location : South of heaven
Registration date : 2007-12-09

PostSubject: Re: For geezers only   Sun Mar 12, 2017 3:19 pm

cheers

_________________
These are horrible times and all sorts of horrible people are prospering, but we must never let this disturb our equanimity or deflect us from our sacred duty to annoy and hinder them at every turn.
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Thistleoak

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Age : 35
Location : Northwest Michigan
Registration date : 2012-08-14

PostSubject: Re: For geezers only   Mon Mar 13, 2017 11:14 am

Thank you for the laugh
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Brewdude

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Age : 64
Location : Near the Emerald city
Registration date : 2011-05-04

PostSubject: Re: For geezers only   Mon Mar 13, 2017 7:58 pm























Now, get offa my damn lawn!

tongue


Cheers,

RR
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Ozark Wizard

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Age : 53
Location : Mark Twain National Forest, MO
Registration date : 2014-10-11

PostSubject: Re: For geezers only   Mon Mar 13, 2017 8:25 pm

lol!
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kitobi

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Age : 47
Location : uk, plymouth
Registration date : 2015-05-30

PostSubject: Re: For geezers only   Thu Mar 16, 2017 3:59 pm

Stick wrote:
Just read through these and giggled like a kid.  Now getting angry stares from the rest of the folk in the library.
Thanks Rande. I think!

or is it because your reading the internet in your pants again...
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Brewdude

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Age : 64
Location : Near the Emerald city
Registration date : 2011-05-04

PostSubject: Re: For geezers only   Thu Mar 16, 2017 7:31 pm

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact I've passed gas at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was passing gas because they don't smell and are silent."

The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know WHAT you gave me, but now when I pass gas although still silent they stink terribly."

"Good," the doctor said, "now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

tongue


Cheers,

RR
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Ozark Wizard

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Age : 53
Location : Mark Twain National Forest, MO
Registration date : 2014-10-11

PostSubject: Re: For geezers only   Thu Mar 16, 2017 7:46 pm

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Stick

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Age : 47
Location : 'Blighty'
Registration date : 2014-02-19

PostSubject: Re: For geezers only   Fri Mar 17, 2017 12:53 pm

kitobi wrote:
Stick wrote:
Just read through these and giggled like a kid.  Now getting angry stares from the rest of the folk in the library.
Thanks Rande. I think!

or is it because your reading the internet in your pants again...

Well Andy, it is a very liberal library...
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Eric Furgeson

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Age : 51
Location : Tacoma, WA. U.S.A. Planet Earth, Milky Way, Galxie
Registration date : 2016-04-21

PostSubject: Re: For geezers only   Fri Mar 17, 2017 4:11 pm

Thanks Brew the little old lady joke had me laughing untill I was coughing! Pluse it gave me a new one for tonights ST Paddys Party!
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Brewdude

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Age : 64
Location : Near the Emerald city
Registration date : 2011-05-04

PostSubject: Re: For geezers only   Fri Mar 17, 2017 7:50 pm

Eric Furgeson wrote:
Thanks Brew the little old lady joke had me laughing untill I was coughing! Pluse it gave me a new one for tonights ST Paddys Party!

Q: What's an Irish 7-course meal?
A: A six-pack and a potato!

bom



Cheers,

RR
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Brewdude

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Age : 64
Location : Near the Emerald city
Registration date : 2011-05-04

PostSubject: Re: For geezers only   Sun Mar 19, 2017 8:58 am

Sometimes we Seniors don't Understand Directions…

I went to my nearby CVS Pharmacy, straight to the back, where the Pharmacists' high counter is located.

I took out my little brown bottle, along with a teaspoon, and set them up on the counter.

The Pharmacist came over, smiled, and asked if he could help me. I said, "Yes! Could you please taste this for me?

Seeing a senior citizen, the Pharmacist went along.

He took the spoon, put a tiny bit of the liquid on it, put it on his tongue and swilled it around.

Then, with a stomach-churning look on his face, he spat it out on the floor and began coughing.

When he was finally finished, I looked him right in the eye and asked, “Now, does that taste sweet to you?"

The Pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in his eyes yelled, "HELL NO!!!"

I said, "Oh, thank God! That's a real relief! My doctor told me to have a Pharmacist test my urine for sugar!"

I am not allowed to go back to that CVS, but I really don't care, because they aren't very friendly there anymore!


cherry



Cheers,

RR


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Lonecoyote

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Age : 65
Location : State of Confusion
Registration date : 2016-10-15

PostSubject: Re: For geezers only   Sun Mar 19, 2017 11:17 am

Rande
The above was very funny, gave me a good laugh. I needed one today, thanks!!! Have a wonderful day and be well.



KEEP ON PUFFING!!!
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