What do you say if your wife says that it is OK to smoke a pipe inside if she can smoke cigarettes inside?
Its really not a control issue. Sometimes smoking cigarettes are her way of controlling stress. When I see her lighting up should I (1) ignore it, (2) say "Honey, smoking is bad for you or (3) say to myself "Oh boy now is my chance" and grab a pipe, fill it with Embargadao and puff away. I know that I could also offer her a pipe, but that just isn't her style...with all do respect to the Muleskinner's wife.
Bub

Marriage is a partnership. IMHO other than honoring the basic vows one doesn't have the right to tell their spouse what they can or can not do.


Now I'd bet money Mrs Bub knows what those things are doing to her. Preaching about it will only start a fight. Now I smoke my pipe in my home. I never asked, she's never said 'Please Don't' except when her mother lived with us.

I kinda figure she does her deal, I do mine. Yes we repect one another and she is my best friend. But I don't think 'I DO' had anything to do with cuttin deals and bargains.

Now the argument could be made that her cig smoke in the house is unhealthy but truth be known pipesmoke is too. You maynot inhale while you smoke it but you do inhale it while it floats around the living room. If I get a vote on the Bub household rules ( ) I'd say keep ya mouth shut and grab that pipe.

About 10 years ago, my wife quit cigarettes and asked, as a support to this process, that our house become a non-smoking home. I agreed to support her in this way and haven't smoked the pipe inside of the house since then. She has been successful and I see my refraining from smoking the pipe in the house as a part of her success.

However, I do smoke the pipe in the vehicle, occasionally when she is present. She rarely says too much about that. She will smoke an occasional cigarello outside when we are barbequing. And I do have a picture of her trying out my Dunhill Churchwarden!

And overall, she has been fairly tolerant of TAD & PAD.

-Paul

Bub:

Whatever we can both agree upon that makes us both happy is the way my wife and I have been doing it for the last 28 years. She knows that pipe smoking is something I've enjoyed all my life, and she doesn't want to interfere with my happiness in that regard. She doesn't smoke, smoke bothers her, and being around smoke does not make her happy; her happiness is important to me. Solution: I don't smoke in the house, in her car, or in any circumstances wherein the smoke would bother her. That's really the only ethical part of the question. I have absolutely zero right to impose my smoke on someone who doesn't want it and hasn't agreed to it.

I'm not sure that's any help in answering your question, because if your pipe smoke doesn't bother your wife and her cigarette smoke doesn't bother you, I don't really see it as an ethical question in the first place. Yeah...there's the issue of whether she's harming herself by smoking cigarettes, but I can't tell you whether you have any right to interfere with that. It depends on your marriage contract. If the two of you never specified up front how you would handle the issue of smoking, then it's still an open question that you both have to resolve.

The only rights either of you have are the rights you both agree you have. As far as I know, that's really the only way a marriage can actually work...at least, that's the way it has worked for my wife and me. Even if we were foolish enough to try to control each other, it wouldn't work. For me, that takes the question out of the realm of ethics and puts it in the realm of practicality. There's no point in doing something if it won't work.

Vito

Bub,

My wife likes the aroma of pipe tobacco in itself but despises the actual smoke. I can see how bad the contact with the smoke irritates her eyes and affects her breathing. I don't know if she is allergic to the actual smoke or what but it obviously bothers her. I don't smoke in the house that often and when I do it is a very controlled situation. I smoke in a room that has very high vaulted ceilings and I have a decent air purifier that I run. I also have a window fan that I use sometimes too. I try to be sensitive about the way that smoke affects Jo. Most of the time she is a trooper though as she usually helps out at our pipe show but it is in a very large open facility that is ventilated very well.

Most of the time I just go out to my shop building with my dog and lounge on the old couch. Not a bad place.

My son used to have the same reaction to smoke as my wife but he started smoking a pipe a few months ago and it doesn't bother him at all now. The only problem I have with him now is that he is always trying to talk me out of another pipe and is constantly dipping into my tobacco......... And yes, he smokes Walnut!

What is sauce for the goose...

Having said that, if you want to dissuade her, you could always regularly load up with the finest tasting, foulest room-noted baccy you can find and let her come to her own conclusion about whether she really wants to do that...

"Yes, sweetie, of course.. now, where did I put that Old Jockstrap and Sweaty Camel-Pants latakia blend of mine..."